Tattooed!

My brother got himself a tattoo last week! He has wanted one for a while and has been trying hard to convince my parents to let him get one.  They finally agreed to let him get one as a gift for his birthday. My brother is 8 and a ½ years younger than me (yes he is my dear little baby brother who towers over me at 6 feet and 1 inch), which is why he still needs permission from the parents for tattoos and other such irreversible decisions. His name is Ravi and as you can see in the image above, he got himself a Sun (which is what Ravi means).

I was quite impressed that my parents actually allowed him to get one. It is interesting to observe how the idea of what is ‘acceptable’ is constantly evolving and changing. Two of my cousins now have tattoos, several of my closest friends have tattoos and suddenly because everyone is doing it, or rather because people you know really well are doing it; it’s acceptable to do it! Had I wanted a tattoo when I was 19 would they have agreed? I can say with absolutely no doubt whatever that they would have said NO. Actually I think they would have burst out laughing convinced I was joking.

We Indians have fairly strong opinions about what is ‘Right’ and what is ‘Wrong’. Lets consider the average Indian parent. Dress conservatively, don’t talk to the opposite sex, dating is wrong!!! (says half the parent population, the rest is in denial), get married – get married – get married, live together???? (*faint*), you don’t want to become an engineer/ doctor/ MBA??? (*look of utter disbelief*) and so on. While my generation prides itself on being a lot more broadminded than the previous, I am sure the previous generation felt exactly the same way about the one before them. Whether we like it or not, our kids are going to think the same way as well. Social norms are constantly evolving and things that cause eyebrows to be raised today will be considered downright mundane a few years down the line.

My personal opinion is that if you are hurting another being, then it is wrong. Is it wrong to walk around skimpily dressed at night when you are alone? I don’t think so. Is it foolish? Maybe, considering it could get you raped. It is the job of the parent to set the rules and it is the job of the child to question them. At that point, I think a healthy discussion is a lot more productive than saying ‘Because I say so’. To a 2 year old, ‘Because I say so’ should work just fine, but for a 12 year old – not so much.

Before my husband came into the picture and love happened, my mom was frantically trying to find a match for me. I once met a really nice guy they had introduced me to, went home and told my parents that there was just no ‘chemistry’. “What do you not like about him?” they asked. “Nothing. He is a really nice guy” I replied. “Then what’s the problem?” they asked. “There is no chemistry” I replied. Thankfully the guy felt exactly the same way and I was off the hook. (I think my grandparents were told that the guy rejected me because if not, the situation was inexplicable). I really appreciate how open my parents were during that phase and how we discussed just about everything. We fought and I yelled but we never shut each other out. Several of my friends refused to let their parents introduce them to guys/girls because something like ‘chemistry’ could never be discussed. It would be impossible to say you are unwilling to marry the ‘perfect on paper’ guy. This is not to say that my parents don’t have their ideas on right and wrong. But they are open to discussion. Why? Why not? My brother and I regularly bombard them with these questions and more often than not they listen, reason and if convinced, are willing to change their mind. (Example – the tattoo)

A lot of our customs, superstitions and rules came to be for fairly logical reasons. But are those reasons relevant today? We are repeatedly told as children to not cut our nails after dark. Why? Because it attracts the demons, someone once told me (??#@#). Could it not be that before electricity, people did not cut their nails to avoid cutting themselves in the dark? It is crucial to sift through the crap and embrace what truly makes sense for our time.

Before I stop, there is one more point I want to make. We shouldn’t judge people who follow a different ideology and choose to live life differently.  Like I said earlier, if they are not hurting anyone, then what’s your problem? Well they may eventually hurt themselves. So advice is fine but judgment is not. In fact, someday someone will thank these people! They make life easier for the rest of us. I am sure my brother will agree. He has our 2 cousins and a bunch of my close friends to thank!