To Bail or Not To Bail

I cried last night. And the night before. Grey’s Anatomy does that to me. I am a huge fan of medical thrillers and emotional drama. I have read all of Robin Cook, was depressed when Michael Crichton died and absolutely loved Erich Segal’s Doctors. So Grey’s Anatomy is a treat for me!

My husband and I just finished watching Season 6 and in spite of several new characters joining the show and some old favorites leaving, it did not disappoint.  New relationships blossomed, old ones bit the dust, scary illnesses were conquered and yes, Dr. Derek Shepherd actually got shot and almost died. Almost. Phew!

This post is not about the storyline and it is not a review. This last season had several couples breaking up and it got me thinking about relationships and deal breakers and why we do the things we do. People break up due to various reasons. The magic ebbs after a while, we fall out of love, our goals and aspirations change, our priorities change. Then there are those relationships that end due to external factors. We have all heard people say, “Yeah we still love each other, but he wants a child and I don’t” or “We don’t have any issues with each other, but he wants to move to Zambia for a while and I don’t” or the famous “You know, we are so in love, but I don’t think there is a future”.

I am all for independence and freedom of choice, but sometimes such breakups still upset the romantic in me. After all didn’t we all grow up believing that once we have found that one true love, anything was worth giving up? Most Indian kids during the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s grew up on movies that drilled into our head over and over again that love happens only once. If the person you love is in love with someone else you are pretty much doomed (such unfortunate souls usually got shot by the villain during the climax). Most of my generation grew up looking for a soul mate and convinced that there would be a happily ever after. We took breakups much harder than we had to. We had to deal with shattered illusions and slowly learnt that it was ok to be with someone, break up and actually move on. The western media seeped in and our Indian movies adapted as well. The unfortunate lover was not doomed to die or wallow in misery for the rest of his or her life.

One of the couples on Grey’s Anatomy broke up because one person wanted kids and the other did not (Callie and Arizona - yes they are both women). I would think that something as important as having children should be discussed before the relationship becomes serious. Would it help if people had the ‘Deal Breaker’ conversation before getting into a serious relationship? Of course it would! The problem is (if I may call it a problem) that most relationships get going on pure chemistry and the last thing our hormones want to talk about are potential deal breakers.

So do we stay or do we pack and run? Well giving up our dreams for someone who takes it for granted is definitely foolish. But for someone who truly cares about us, appreciates the compromise and would do the same for us in the future, I say there is nothing wrong with giving in occasionally. Of course, make sure to earn some credit! J I don’t advocate rubbing it in their face, just make sure it isn’t forgotten ;-)